Advice Number 1: Never peel potatoes in a bad mood.

I was doing that awhile back and fortunately the story does not have a tragic bloody ending…but it could have…so never peal potatoes in a bad mood.

This made me think about words said in the heat of the moment. Or about taking risk to say things to someone you care about.

This is one post that I really hope to get a lot of feedback from.

I guess I should start this out as to what happened to me yesterday to put me in a bad mood, and make me react in the heat of the moment. Hmmmm…..where do I start? Well…I was having a One Tree Hill marathon (and I am way behind. I am only on season four. So if these things I am about to share are not true right now DO NOT TELL ME!!!) Peyton and Lucas have been friends and/or a couple since the beginning of season one when it shows his crush/obsession/lust whatever for her. Like any good drama…this couple (whether as friends or lovers) has its shares of ups and downs. But at the point I am watching it, they have just been close friends for awhile now, but she has fallen in love with him; someone tells her to take a risk and tell him how you feel. It worked out for them…but hey…that’s just Hollywood

Question Number 1: Do you think that is good advice? Take a risk and lay it on the line.

Now…I have been home watching this marathon of drama and need to get out of the house because I am not in the best of moods.

Advice Number 2: Never have a drama marathon when you already have a lot on your mind and you are already in a not so good mood.

So I go to Barns and Noble, and I am trying to cheer myself up by working on my blog, and looking for agents to send my book off to, and just focus on my dreams as a writer not on my desires to have a man hold me in his arms all night in my lonely apartment. So…out of no where comes this good looking man and says I can come sit with him and share his outlet to plug up my laptop if I need to.

Advice Number 3: For the single ladies….ALWAYS CHECK FOR THE RING FIRST!!! Because apparently men seem to forget it sometimes…

So we start chatting….(now if you are that guy, since I did tell you about my blog, and if you do read this…first of all…hey you made the cut you should be honored to get into my blog…LOL….second of all this is just all in good fun really I know that you/most men are not really like that….third of all, one of my guy friends did try to stick up for you, but then still said I should add this to my blog. So, sorry, this is just my journal from my point of view). Anyways, we were chatting and I was cheering up….let’s just put it that way…but of course somewhere in the mist of our conversation it came out that he had a wife and kids.

Ok, have you ever been driving somewhere and you were late to something, and you hit every red light in town, and get behind someone that could be driving Mrs. Daisy?? And you are like, I sooooo don’t need this right now. That was like my day yesterday.
Yeah…So, I finally was aware of the ring and thought. SERIOUSLY….LIFE IS SOOOOO NOT FUNNY! REALLY DID NOT NEED THIS TODAY! THIS SUCKS!

Advice Number 4: Always learn to laugh off moments like this!

So, I move on to vent to one of my good friends, and in this email while I am venting I say a lot of things I should not have said that could have messed things up for what special thing we had….I am happy to say we have a great friendship and it did not…but it was a little rough for a short time as he had to deal with my pathetic woman drama.

Question Number 2: Is saying things in the heat of the moment a good thing or a bad thing?

What if it took that heated moment to bring out the truth (even if it didn’t come out in the right way) to get things out in the open….then isn’t it a good thing?

What if it tears apart something beautiful that you had with someone and you or both of you end up crushed?

We do this a lot in relationships….say things in the mist of a mess. Most the time we go back and say, “I didn’t mean it”.

Question Number 3: But if it is on our mind or in our heart…isn’t it better to get it out?

Question Number 4: Even if the response devastates you…even if it makes you feel unlovable? Should you risk you heart and share how you really feel?

Question Number 5: Is living in a dream world unhealthy?

I know the answer to that one…yes it very much can be dangerous to walk around with your head in the clouds…because when the enormous 747 of truth plows right through you…IT HURTS. I am a dreamer. I have always thought my over-active/hopeful/dreamy mind was a good thing…today I am not so sure…let’s focus on an easier example of why this is not good, an example not having to do with love (even though that is what this blog is about). I want to be a writer…that is a big dream. Do I need to get my head out of fairy tale world and bring in back down to reality and focus on finding a way to feed my two kids not my fantasies?

Question Number 5: Do we give up on our dreams or strive for them?

What if our dream is finding someone who makes me laugh and loves me and will fly me to Italy someday soon? LOL….see….my head is always in the clouds. I guess because the reality is…I have spent most my life feeling unlovable. And for some reason the ugly root of insecurity has paraded itself right back into my brain this weekend.

Thankfully my God is a good gardener and is digging up that root (again...thought I was done with that battle...just thankful I know a God bigger than the battle that puts the fight back in me just when I need it). I am just glad He does not get weary of weeding….

Advice Number 4: If you are battling insecurity…hand over the spade to God and let him dig it out NOW! It is a terrible thing that can tear apart a life that has a purpose….God created you wonderful and He has a plan for you!



I drove home from a friend’s house last night with my answers to these questions.

1. Yes! Take risk…that is living life! But…no matter what the outcome you have to stand on this truth: YOU ARE A STRONG CONFIDENT CHILD OF GOD!



Second of all: I believe in a relationship you must always be open and honest with the one you love…if they love you back it will always work out.

Lastly, never stop dreaming, but just do it with your feet firmly planted on the solid rock of Christ and seek after His will first.

Relationships (whether friends/dating/marriage) can be messy, but they can also be truly amazing. Enjoy each moment.

A quote from One Tree Hills that stuck with me during that marathon was this:

“Happiness comes in many forms. In the company of good friends. In the feeling you get from making someone’s dreams come true. Or when the promise of hope renewed.”

Be joyful and hopeful. God is good and He has it all under control!

YOUR TURN…PLEASE SHARE!

Another Weekend...

I am still reading through eat pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert, wishing I had more time to just sit and read all the way through it, I love to read and don’t like having to keep picking up a book for only ten minutes here and there, I just want to finish it and enjoy it. Although this book has so much to offer in just ten minutes of reading, I guess it is not too bad to read it this way.

Anyways, I was just reading about her trip to Venice for the weekend. She was writing about a friend of hers coming to meet her in the most romantic city on earth, “I could just picture myself all alone, in the butt end of a gondola, getting dragged through the mist by a crooning gondolier as I…read in a magazine? It’s a sad image, rather like the idea of humping up a hill all by yourself on a bicycle-built-for-two.” I love her vivid, fun depiction of things; this book is easily enjoyable. But… ahhh Venice…I dream of being in Venice (in all of Italy) just about as often as I dream about being in the strong arms of Mr. Right. Well, I just down right dream of being in Venice with that man…someday, yes someday!

Right now…I just have another lonely weekend here in Greenville, NC to look forward to.

I am very much trying to find the positive in things…I have been writing about mindsets and making a choice to think of things in a positive way, and to accept God’s peace, and to let go of all anxieties…so…I thought let me list some fun, positive things I can do/enjoy about this lonely weekend:

1. I can go to the beach…and I can admire ALL that the beach has to offer without cold glares from a mate….if ya get what I mean…if not here let me just say it…sexy, shirtless, tan men walking by just for my viewing pleasure. Oh…sorry…I meant I can enjoy the peace and quiet of digging my bare feet in the sand, and watch the sun display a bold variety of pastels as it sets over the horizon of the vast ocean waters.
2. I can go shopping and buy all the flip flops I want without anyone talking to me about a budget and bills.
3. I can go to Olive Garden and order all the carbs I want without someone telling me to watch my weight!
4. I can have a chick flick marathon and cry if I want to without the criticism of a man.
5. Hmmm…OK…I really need to be able to come up with more than four before pausing and wishing I had someone to walk hand-n-hand with at the beach, to cuddle with when I cry over the dramatic scenes, or to lay wrapped in each other’s arms at night and talk about someday going to Italy….hmmmm….
6. I can actually finish this book I am reading.
7. I can sit and watch the food network channel all weekend, which only makes me hungry and want to pig out on whatever I can find in the kitchen that does not even compare to the delicacies being prepared before me on the screen.
8. Then I can just dance off all I ate with wild random dancing since there is no one around to judge me…lol.
9. Gotta at least get to ten here….although technically I am only on eight here because number five doesn’t count…but whose counting…unless you are bored and lonely like me while you are reading this….lol. I can have a rock show as I strengthen my talents at guitar hero and do endless encores.
10. I can go see Toy Story 3 in hopes that the new Ken doll takes his shirt of….oh wait….I have been seeing way too much of a shirtless, sculpted Jacob Black…LOL.

Yeah…good times for me this weekend 

Seriously….the point is: I am not alone…I am independent. I can still enjoy life abundantly, and focus on all that God want for me in my life. I can still walk around with my head held high and a smile on my face. I do not need a man. I would like to have one, but I do not need a man. God is my completion; my all in all….with Him I have strength to face anything…even another lonely weekend.

Prince Charming & Pop Cans

Now...first of all let me clear something up for my southern friends, pop is what YA'LL call SODA. LOL.

Now I was thinking...scary I know...and it is even scarier when I am home alone with no boys and nothing to do...my mind really goes crazy in the silence. LOL.

I was thinking about what it would actually be like to be married again. My mind constantly is in fairy-tale mode I think, and today I am beginning to worry what will it be like when things get changed to the the reality T.V. show channel?

Will it be all romance, and fire, and sweeping me off my feet? No..it will probably be a lot of sweeping that is for sure...sweeping up after a man's mess...that is not what I have in mind for a marriage...lol.

No, really...I am worried about meeting someone at this age; see I think when you get married young you have all that time to learn and grow together...see I am afraid because I know more about what I want now, and what I don't want, and I won't be able to find that.

Will prince charming come along, marry me, and then start leaving pop cans all over the house...that would seriously annoy me. I mean, I am in my thirties so he should be a grown man...well unless I do the cougar thing and marry Taylor Lautner or Zac Efron...OH YEAH! But, anyways...where was I? Sorry...got a little sidetracked on those thoughts for a minute...yes. Seriously, you're a grown man, pick up the pop cans already...is what I'd be sayin'. Now, see I don't have too many annoying things that anyone has to worry about...ha ha ha....except for the humming. I love to hum (and sing a lot) but I, according to my wonderful friends that I play Cranium with...I cannot hum very well...so I guess someone would just have to deal with that...I do make a lot of noises...and NO my lovely friends and family who know me well, this is not where you insert your comments!

In all seriousness...I am just worried about meeting someone and coming together and working through differences at my age in life...

And, my single friends and I talk about this a lot...I don't want to settle...I mean I settled the first time... the only thing my ex-husband had on my list of requirements for a husband was--a heartbeat. He was not a christian...I learned the hard way what I already knew and somehow thought would change...NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WITHOUT THE SAME FAITH AS YOU!! But I know what I want now. And what I deserve. I want a man of God. A man who loves God and has a personal relationship with Jesus. And a man that will love my boys like his own. Those two things I will not settle on. Now...a man that can sing and play guitar, and who will take me to Italy; that would be a major make me happy bonus!

I just have all these fears about meeting someone and marriage. Will I fall too fast for the wrong one out of loneliness and desperation? I guess you could read my list of "You Know You're Lonely If:" and you may see you need to pray with me on that one...lol...

What will it be like with him and my boys? How will I feel when he disciplines them?
Will he lay awake with me late and talk and laugh and enjoy our quiet time together like I want?
Will it feel amazing in his arms like I have been longing for?
Will we be able to get through bad days at work?
God, please, please will the sex be amazing? Sorry...had to throw that in there...
Will he make me laugh a lot? I love to laugh and so do my boys and I want laughter to always fill our home.
Will we really be happy? The sad reality is that I see far too many marriages that are being destroyed by the Devil daily and I am tired of it!! That is one thing that I do often when I get really lonely....I take all my emotions and turn it to good and pray for the marriages of those I love to be restored to a marriage the way God intended!! I am believing in Jesus name for love, passion, joy, and peace to be restored in all the marriages of those I know! For laughter and passion to be in the eyes of each spouse as they look lovingly into the eyes of their mate. For communication to always be open and honest and positive...even in hard times, may they always uplift and encourage each other! And of course...may the passion always be hot! Marriage was created by God an may God be in the center of all marriages again.

Guess I have a lot on my mind....
But as I was pondering upon all the what-if's of what it will be like...the verse that I have at the top of this blog came to mind. "BE ANXIOUS FOR NOTHING......AND THE PEACE OF GOD WILL GUARD YOUR HEART AND MIND IN CHRIST JESUS"
Amen and thank you God because I know bottom line...in spite of my pop can prince charming fears....it will all be amazing if I wait on You and all you have for me.
And...I believe it is actually a great thing that I do know what I want. Knowing that will help me not to settle this time. Also having the confidence that God has been establishing in my life over these last six years will allow me not only to look for all God has to offer, but to actually accept it and know that I am His child and worthy of His abundant blessings. God is good. His Prince Charming will be far more than my over-active mind could ever imagine...and we will live happily ever after.

Here I Go Again...

"Here I go, here I go, here I go again. Girls what's my weakness? Men!"

This old Salt-N-Peppa song has been replaying on my mind...figured it should probably be my theme song lately...well that and chocolate or flip flops...those are my weaknesses.

Being alone year after year...my mind seems to focus on one thing--wanting a man. Wanting someone to hold me. To talk to me. To take me out on a date. To come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. To kiss me sweetly...to kiss me passionately. To bring me flowers. To look at me like I am the only person around and the only person he ever wants to look at again. To whisper sweet words in the dark as we are wrapped in the warmth of each others arms. So many things run through my lonely mind daily to the point I feel like my skin will rip open from the agony of the lack of touch. Well...hey, then I at least I would have to go to the hospital to get my skin repaired by some surgeon that I would pray would look like a mixture of McDreamy and McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy...LOL.

See...I told you...weakness. So...what do you do with that?

Well, the world has options....

But when your left still feeling lonely and unloved in the morning...you realize that maybe waiting on God's plan is not so bad after all...

I want someone to look at me with love and desire in his eyes. My sister just got married and looking back at the groom as she walked in was the most beautiful site I had seen in a long time....someone who really, really loves his bride with all his heart. I want someone to love me for who I am. I want someone that wants to hold me forever, not just for the time being until he gets what he wants out of me. I know that I have a lot to offer someone and I am going to make a wonderful wife someday. It has taken me decades to find the confidence I needed to say that and believe it. God has done an amazing work in my life and I now know what I want and what I deserve. Therefore why should I settle for a one night stand when God has an amazing husband for me already planned.

If you are hurting or alone don't lose hope...trust God. He really does know what is best. And I believe if we wait on Him...He will do more in our lives than we could ever imagine. Better than any fairytale.

Are you speaking to me?

Have you ever sat in a sermon on Sunday and felt as though the pastor were speaking directly to you?
Have you ever watched a movie and someone made a profound statement that you really needed to hear?
Have you ever heard a song that spoke straight to your heart as if it were written for you alone at that very moment?

Well...that actually happens to me a lot.

And it did again today with the book I have been talking/writing about, eat pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Page 65 spoke to me as if she were standing before me outside on my apartment steps with her finger swinging around in my face making it perfectly clear I needed to understand this statement that she also had to declare to her own self:

"When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."

I had to set the book down and call my best friend....I was laughing and crying at the same time...

Although the difference is...I have had seven straight years of loneliness and only the pleasure of 2 nights out of over 2,500 nights to actually experience any kind of pleasure of another person's body any where even close to mine. (don't worry mom if you are reading this...I know I probably just gave you a shock or something saying anything like that...I was not that misbehaved...lol...and again look at the comparison...2 days of finally getting kissed compared to over 2,500 days of NOTHING! Hope that sets your mind at ease...)

But I love the way Elizabeth phrases things...and this "scratching post" statement is hilarious, and seems so close to thoughts I have shared with my best friends in desperate hours of loneliness!! I have got to sit down with this lady someday and have lunch!! She speaks to my heart on a very personal level, and I cannot get through a page without something powerful reaching out to me and pulling me into her world...loving this book!

Anyways...sooooo where do I buy this map for the lonely and broken hearted because I am lost in my sorrows, and want to find the right route out of Desperate Dodge: the town where old maids meet misery head on!

I WANT OUT! I want to ride on over to Romanceville instead...lol...I want to be swept off my feet by a sexy, amazing man, not just spend my weekends alone sweeping and cleaning my empty apartment!

But the more important thing I have to keep reminding myself of is: but...this time I want it God's way.

And if I have to wait on His perfect plan....then as hard as it is...I will wait. Because I know His plan will defiantly exceed my own stubborn and selfish ideas.

Sunday, after throwing a long and lonely pity party all weekend...I also received another message...
I turned on music from my itunes play list, and picked the first song; the rest play on shuffle mode. After my selection played, this song began to play: "Stop Crying Your Heart Out". Yes, as I was straightening my hair, I had to be careful not to burn myself as this quickly caught my attention....

My response, "Yes, God...I get it...I need to get over it. I'm done throwing my pity party."

If you are experiencing technical difficulty...aka you are so alone you can't seem to function sometimes...are you getting what I am saying?

Basically let me throw in one more statement that stood out to me at one point in time that sums this all up...

This is from P.S. I Love You: "Alone or not alone...you've got to move forward."

Get it? Got it? Good :)

The most amazing thing though is....I know...that I am never truly alone because I have my completion in Christ, and He will "never leave me nor forsake me". And He is there for you as well...He loves you, so "come just as you are", and worship at His feet, and let Him fill the void.

fallen performance

This is an excerpt from the new book I am reading, eat pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert: "David and I met because he was performing in a play based on short stories I'd written. He was playing a character I had invented, which is somewhat telling. In desperate love, it's always like this, isn't it? In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding that they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place."

Hmmmm....this quickly caught my attention as I felt I needed to be standing before a judge saying "guilty...guilty as charged".

I, having a very, very overactive mind...can create these wonderful, romantic daydreams that I daily beg God to create into a reality show instead of beyond G rated fairy tales...yet, on the other hand, I very much fear the horror story that may actually come of dating someone when they fail to live up to the fairy tale.

Like Julia Roberts' character, Vivian, in Pretty Woman says when the handsome Edward ask, "What do you want?" she replies, "I want the fairy tale."

Amen honey...so do I...but can it really happen...can you really find the passionate, amazing love that is portrayed in those movies that make millions, and in my daydreams that keep me occupied on lonely weekends...really?? Is it really out there?? Because I am 32 years old and have yet to see too many examples of a genuine love story.

Again...I understand realities...but ya know what...then again, I really don't...why can't love surpass all...even in the mist of turmoil you should be able to shine with love that overflows from your life...love that keeps the fire alive in relationships...love that fights against all odds to rise above...love that keeps you staring lovingly into the eyes of the same person after 50 years of a blessed marriage.

I mean the only fighting I want to have in my marriage is like the old Garth Brooks' song says, "sometimes we fight just so we can make up!" Is that too much to ask??

I want sex to never stop simmering, I want communication to never become a mass of confusion, I want vacations together to never lose their vitality, I want romance and thoughtfulness to stay realities throughout all the days of our marriage...

Have these long, lonely years of pathetic dreams just been setting me up for a fallen performance?

Yet...my hope still rest in my Heavenly Father and all that He longs to bless me with...because His word promises that He wants to bless me with far more than I can ever imagine...wow...well...bring it on God!! Because if you can top my imagination...hmmmmm...lol.

Thank you Lord...and I lay it all at your feet...all my dreams and desires...I let it go, and will serve You while I wait.

Pathetic...But Funny

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LONELY IF:

Figure out if the following actions/statements are false or actually things I have done or thought....although I will not be posting actual answers to these because I will NEVER admit to any of them...LOL.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LONELY IF:

If you feel like tattooing your phone number on your forehead just to get a phone call.

If you think the man on the motorcycle that is in front of you all the way home from the beach is somehow sexy even though he is wearing a helmet and you really have no clue...but you dream of jumping on the back to ride off into the sunset....hey...it's a long ride home alone from the beach!

If you invite your tattooed white trash neighbor (and that is not a name I made up for him...it was actually written on his big ole pick up truck) over to watch Top Gun just hoping to...um...hold hands or something....(and yes, thank you again Tammy for your prayers on that one!! LOL)

If you watch endless hours of chic flicks alone all weekend.

If you threaten to jump on any random hot stranger...kind of like Mary does in the movie all about Steve (it was a blind date) but she just attacks hims and it is too funny. Anyways, you know you're lonely if you really consider doing that...well until your best friend (a.k.a. your conscience) threatens to kick your tail. (like she could actually do any damage to me and my massive muscles)

Oh, wait...I need to be more careful of how I am wording these...yes, these are supposed to be fake funnies...not true testimonies...oops.

You know you're lonely if you endlessly and passionately dream of sexy, shirtless werewolves....oh wait that is common for anyone who has seen New Moon...just thought I would throw it in here because...well, hey, it is never a wrong time to throw in the topic of hot werewolves. Now, yes, I do understand that he is young, but...you know I don't think they looked like that when we were kids...I mean, come on...I think I would have enjoyed high school a whole lot more if he was walking around the halls, or Zac Efron, or Chad Micheal Murry, or Chase Crawford...I mean seriously! Although, I guess then I would have never graduated...LOL...oh sorry where was I??? Oh, yes...werewolves...

You know you're lonely if your new hobby is hiking in any woods you can find just hoping to run into Jacob Black.

You know you're lonely if the highlight of your weekend is finding another pack of limited edition coconut M&M's.

AND THE GRAND FINALE:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LONELY IF WHILE WALKING AROUND THE DEPARTMENT STORE...YOU DO A DOUBLE TAKE AT THE MANNEQUIN BECAUSE YOU THINK HMMMMM...HE'S HOT!