I may not be writing on this blog anymore...
From time to time if God speaks to my heart on this issues of dating/relationships, I will share, but for now...I am taking a break from this blog and focusing just on Random Blonde.
I woke up this morning with this miraculous peace about the whole dating thing. I can finally hand it over to God and say honestly I don't want it anymore...not that I don't still pray for an amazing man of God to come into the boys' and my life, but I don't want the control of it anymore...I don't want the longing, lonely thoughts, I don't want the anxieties and the fears of this desire. I don't want it to rule my entire existence. I don't want it my way...I DO want it God's way! So I am letting go.
I have two of the most amazing boys that I am thankful and blessed to be a mother of. They need a strong, confident, Christian mother who walks by faith, who stands firm in her walk with God, who shows that no matter what - we praise God in this house! So there is where I want my focus to be. God - boys -family/friends and me...taking care of yourself...I have found the hard way...is very important! So, I am able to let everything else go...my wants and desires, I lay at His feet...and I walk away in peace.
God has brought me a long way in the last six years (since I left my ex-husband) and I am so thankful for that. He has done some major gardening and uprooted the spirit of insecurity in my life....it still sprouts a little ugly plant every now and then, but...God continues to work on me. I am so thankful for His love, faithfulness, and grace. Now, I want to grow deeper in love with Him, I want to learn more about Him, I want even more of His wisdom, love, joy, strength, and peace.
This song is my prayer today:
"Lord, I give You my heart, I give You my soul. I live for You alone. Every breath that I take...every move that I make...Lord, have Your way in me."
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Frog - Prince Charming - Toad
Just got a little jumpy because a frog was waiting outside my door to greet me this morning....dear God...if I kiss it...please oh please will it turn into prince charming??!!
This was my facebook post the other day...and so I have been thinking about this whole prince charming theory....
Lately, I am thinking that the reality of this theory sounds more like this...
Say I do kiss the "frog", and then get swept of my feet thinking he is prince charming...only to get completely invested into the relationship (I am the type of person who falls way too fast and too deep for someone way too quickly) or actually marry the guy (disaster waiting to happen: Round 2) only to find out that prince charming is really just a toad!
At the top of my blog, I wrote about how dating is so scary (well waiting for me...still no dating going on, but starting to be very thankful for that...because...dating is too scary). The few "experiences" I have had been weird/scary enough. I have talked online with the following: "Super Spiritual Guy" whose every sentence was written in Christianese. I said I like to paint and he came back with....well, I really don't know what he said I don't speak his language apparently, but I felt like coming back with, "Yes, I like to paint beach scenes". I have chatted with "Desperate Need of a Hug Guy", and thankfully I found that I am not as desperate as I joke about being. I had never even talked to the guy on the phone, did not even give him my number when he asked, only chatted a few times online, and next thing I know I get this email about how he woke up with the biggest smile on his face thinking of me throughout the night (OK, class what does this word spell: P-E-R-V-E-R-T?) And I won't go into his personal details, but he ended up having a rough morning and asked me to come to his church and give him a hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there were way more exclamation points than that. I showed my pastor the letter...he read it...then seriously asked, "I have one question. Did you go?" "NO!" "Good girl."
I have also heard so many other stories that are not mine to share, but lately, like I said, I am so glad right now that God has a perfect plan for me, and He is not allowing just any man/toad to come along and ruin that! But the sad thing is...I am starting to loose hope...
So...I need your thoughts/advice/prayers...and hopefully some offer of hope!
And please...please don't give me this line: "It will happen when you stop looking" because unless you have some magic fairy dust or something to throw on me to trigger my brain to stop being a man radar and going off every time a man with a heartbeat walks by....then that theory...even if it IS true...just does not compute with my personality! lol...I try to laugh it off anyways. I do know the following: I know God is my everything (at least I know that I daily strive to make Him that even though I fail endlessly). I do know my worth and who I am in God (He has brought me too far in confidence to loose that). I do know that I am an amazing woman with a lot to offer a husband. I do know that I only want Gods best, so yes, it is worth waiting on. I do know that you can end up with the wrong one and still be lonely and I don't want that, again! I do know that God's ways and TIMING are PERFECT! I do know that I am very blessed with so many wonderful friends and the most amazing/supportive family, and two lovable, fun boys that I have no reason to feel alone...
but I still do...
This was my facebook post the other day...and so I have been thinking about this whole prince charming theory....
Lately, I am thinking that the reality of this theory sounds more like this...
Say I do kiss the "frog", and then get swept of my feet thinking he is prince charming...only to get completely invested into the relationship (I am the type of person who falls way too fast and too deep for someone way too quickly) or actually marry the guy (disaster waiting to happen: Round 2) only to find out that prince charming is really just a toad!
At the top of my blog, I wrote about how dating is so scary (well waiting for me...still no dating going on, but starting to be very thankful for that...because...dating is too scary). The few "experiences" I have had been weird/scary enough. I have talked online with the following: "Super Spiritual Guy" whose every sentence was written in Christianese. I said I like to paint and he came back with....well, I really don't know what he said I don't speak his language apparently, but I felt like coming back with, "Yes, I like to paint beach scenes". I have chatted with "Desperate Need of a Hug Guy", and thankfully I found that I am not as desperate as I joke about being. I had never even talked to the guy on the phone, did not even give him my number when he asked, only chatted a few times online, and next thing I know I get this email about how he woke up with the biggest smile on his face thinking of me throughout the night (OK, class what does this word spell: P-E-R-V-E-R-T?) And I won't go into his personal details, but he ended up having a rough morning and asked me to come to his church and give him a hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there were way more exclamation points than that. I showed my pastor the letter...he read it...then seriously asked, "I have one question. Did you go?" "NO!" "Good girl."
I have also heard so many other stories that are not mine to share, but lately, like I said, I am so glad right now that God has a perfect plan for me, and He is not allowing just any man/toad to come along and ruin that! But the sad thing is...I am starting to loose hope...
So...I need your thoughts/advice/prayers...and hopefully some offer of hope!
And please...please don't give me this line: "It will happen when you stop looking" because unless you have some magic fairy dust or something to throw on me to trigger my brain to stop being a man radar and going off every time a man with a heartbeat walks by....then that theory...even if it IS true...just does not compute with my personality! lol...I try to laugh it off anyways. I do know the following: I know God is my everything (at least I know that I daily strive to make Him that even though I fail endlessly). I do know my worth and who I am in God (He has brought me too far in confidence to loose that). I do know that I am an amazing woman with a lot to offer a husband. I do know that I only want Gods best, so yes, it is worth waiting on. I do know that you can end up with the wrong one and still be lonely and I don't want that, again! I do know that God's ways and TIMING are PERFECT! I do know that I am very blessed with so many wonderful friends and the most amazing/supportive family, and two lovable, fun boys that I have no reason to feel alone...
but I still do...
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