Are you speaking to me?

Have you ever sat in a sermon on Sunday and felt as though the pastor were speaking directly to you?
Have you ever watched a movie and someone made a profound statement that you really needed to hear?
Have you ever heard a song that spoke straight to your heart as if it were written for you alone at that very moment?

Well...that actually happens to me a lot.

And it did again today with the book I have been talking/writing about, eat pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Page 65 spoke to me as if she were standing before me outside on my apartment steps with her finger swinging around in my face making it perfectly clear I needed to understand this statement that she also had to declare to her own self:

"When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."

I had to set the book down and call my best friend....I was laughing and crying at the same time...

Although the difference is...I have had seven straight years of loneliness and only the pleasure of 2 nights out of over 2,500 nights to actually experience any kind of pleasure of another person's body any where even close to mine. (don't worry mom if you are reading this...I know I probably just gave you a shock or something saying anything like that...I was not that misbehaved...lol...and again look at the comparison...2 days of finally getting kissed compared to over 2,500 days of NOTHING! Hope that sets your mind at ease...)

But I love the way Elizabeth phrases things...and this "scratching post" statement is hilarious, and seems so close to thoughts I have shared with my best friends in desperate hours of loneliness!! I have got to sit down with this lady someday and have lunch!! She speaks to my heart on a very personal level, and I cannot get through a page without something powerful reaching out to me and pulling me into her world...loving this book!

Anyways...sooooo where do I buy this map for the lonely and broken hearted because I am lost in my sorrows, and want to find the right route out of Desperate Dodge: the town where old maids meet misery head on!

I WANT OUT! I want to ride on over to Romanceville instead...lol...I want to be swept off my feet by a sexy, amazing man, not just spend my weekends alone sweeping and cleaning my empty apartment!

But the more important thing I have to keep reminding myself of is: but...this time I want it God's way.

And if I have to wait on His perfect plan....then as hard as it is...I will wait. Because I know His plan will defiantly exceed my own stubborn and selfish ideas.

Sunday, after throwing a long and lonely pity party all weekend...I also received another message...
I turned on music from my itunes play list, and picked the first song; the rest play on shuffle mode. After my selection played, this song began to play: "Stop Crying Your Heart Out". Yes, as I was straightening my hair, I had to be careful not to burn myself as this quickly caught my attention....

My response, "Yes, God...I get it...I need to get over it. I'm done throwing my pity party."

If you are experiencing technical difficulty...aka you are so alone you can't seem to function sometimes...are you getting what I am saying?

Basically let me throw in one more statement that stood out to me at one point in time that sums this all up...

This is from P.S. I Love You: "Alone or not alone...you've got to move forward."

Get it? Got it? Good :)

The most amazing thing though is....I know...that I am never truly alone because I have my completion in Christ, and He will "never leave me nor forsake me". And He is there for you as well...He loves you, so "come just as you are", and worship at His feet, and let Him fill the void.

fallen performance

This is an excerpt from the new book I am reading, eat pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert: "David and I met because he was performing in a play based on short stories I'd written. He was playing a character I had invented, which is somewhat telling. In desperate love, it's always like this, isn't it? In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding that they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place."

Hmmmm....this quickly caught my attention as I felt I needed to be standing before a judge saying "guilty...guilty as charged".

I, having a very, very overactive mind...can create these wonderful, romantic daydreams that I daily beg God to create into a reality show instead of beyond G rated fairy tales...yet, on the other hand, I very much fear the horror story that may actually come of dating someone when they fail to live up to the fairy tale.

Like Julia Roberts' character, Vivian, in Pretty Woman says when the handsome Edward ask, "What do you want?" she replies, "I want the fairy tale."

Amen honey...so do I...but can it really happen...can you really find the passionate, amazing love that is portrayed in those movies that make millions, and in my daydreams that keep me occupied on lonely weekends...really?? Is it really out there?? Because I am 32 years old and have yet to see too many examples of a genuine love story.

Again...I understand realities...but ya know what...then again, I really don't...why can't love surpass all...even in the mist of turmoil you should be able to shine with love that overflows from your life...love that keeps the fire alive in relationships...love that fights against all odds to rise above...love that keeps you staring lovingly into the eyes of the same person after 50 years of a blessed marriage.

I mean the only fighting I want to have in my marriage is like the old Garth Brooks' song says, "sometimes we fight just so we can make up!" Is that too much to ask??

I want sex to never stop simmering, I want communication to never become a mass of confusion, I want vacations together to never lose their vitality, I want romance and thoughtfulness to stay realities throughout all the days of our marriage...

Have these long, lonely years of pathetic dreams just been setting me up for a fallen performance?

Yet...my hope still rest in my Heavenly Father and all that He longs to bless me with...because His word promises that He wants to bless me with far more than I can ever imagine...wow...well...bring it on God!! Because if you can top my imagination...hmmmmm...lol.

Thank you Lord...and I lay it all at your feet...all my dreams and desires...I let it go, and will serve You while I wait.

Pathetic...But Funny

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LONELY IF:

Figure out if the following actions/statements are false or actually things I have done or thought....although I will not be posting actual answers to these because I will NEVER admit to any of them...LOL.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LONELY IF:

If you feel like tattooing your phone number on your forehead just to get a phone call.

If you think the man on the motorcycle that is in front of you all the way home from the beach is somehow sexy even though he is wearing a helmet and you really have no clue...but you dream of jumping on the back to ride off into the sunset....hey...it's a long ride home alone from the beach!

If you invite your tattooed white trash neighbor (and that is not a name I made up for him...it was actually written on his big ole pick up truck) over to watch Top Gun just hoping to...um...hold hands or something....(and yes, thank you again Tammy for your prayers on that one!! LOL)

If you watch endless hours of chic flicks alone all weekend.

If you threaten to jump on any random hot stranger...kind of like Mary does in the movie all about Steve (it was a blind date) but she just attacks hims and it is too funny. Anyways, you know you're lonely if you really consider doing that...well until your best friend (a.k.a. your conscience) threatens to kick your tail. (like she could actually do any damage to me and my massive muscles)

Oh, wait...I need to be more careful of how I am wording these...yes, these are supposed to be fake funnies...not true testimonies...oops.

You know you're lonely if you endlessly and passionately dream of sexy, shirtless werewolves....oh wait that is common for anyone who has seen New Moon...just thought I would throw it in here because...well, hey, it is never a wrong time to throw in the topic of hot werewolves. Now, yes, I do understand that he is young, but...you know I don't think they looked like that when we were kids...I mean, come on...I think I would have enjoyed high school a whole lot more if he was walking around the halls, or Zac Efron, or Chad Micheal Murry, or Chase Crawford...I mean seriously! Although, I guess then I would have never graduated...LOL...oh sorry where was I??? Oh, yes...werewolves...

You know you're lonely if your new hobby is hiking in any woods you can find just hoping to run into Jacob Black.

You know you're lonely if the highlight of your weekend is finding another pack of limited edition coconut M&M's.

AND THE GRAND FINALE:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE LONELY IF WHILE WALKING AROUND THE DEPARTMENT STORE...YOU DO A DOUBLE TAKE AT THE MANNEQUIN BECAUSE YOU THINK HMMMMM...HE'S HOT!

ARMED AND DANGEROUS

Now...before you get the wrong idea...this post is not going to be about my friend and I becoming bounty hunters and takin' care of old boyfriends or ex-husbands who have really screwed us over...just wanted to clear that up before you got your hopes up...I mean read on...lol.

No...it is about arming yourself with the most important thing you need to have before seeking after someone to complete you. You need confidence. Once you are secure in who you are and you can stand firm in that...that is when you become a danger to the dating world...and I mean that in a good way.

Far too often we desperately seek after someone...anyone...to make us feel special, to build us up, to fill that void in our lives...yet far to often...those people at some point fail us leaving us to feel like the failure.

This is backwards and wrong. We must...must...find our confidence and security first in God, and then let him build our confidence in who He has created us to be before we seek after soul-mates. Going into a relationship insecure...or being in a relationship while battling insecurities can be very hard, painful, and usually ends up in disaster. It can cause destruction of self-worth leaving a person in a pit of darkness left alone to struggle for survival.

But...if one can hold their head high (and not in arrogance) and be strongly aware of their own self worth before they even enter into a relationship...then no matter what comes of it, they will blossom; either grow in love...or learn from a situation and move on.

I have learned this the hard way of course...insecurity not only caused me to me to marry the wrong man...but it also tore me to shreds in the mist of a horrible marriage. I am so thankful for the last 6 years in which God has done some major gardening in my life and ripped out the roots of insecurities that threaten to destroy me...and now He has created something beautiful and brilliant out of it.

Yes...I still have my weak moments wear I feel fat,ugly, and miserable...we all have those, we are human...but God has brought me so far in that I finally know who I am in Him and that I was "fearfully and wonderfully created" and that I do NOT need a man or anyone or anything else to define me...I am a child of God built in with the security system of God confidence....and now I am armed and dangerous! I have a lot to offer a man, and I say that very confidently. For starters...I make the best thing you will ever put in your mouth - Oreo Bon Bons...lol. But, I am also a very strong-confident woman of God who loves to laugh and enjoy life.

We have to remember (and I believe this is from a Joyce Myers book) WE DO NOT HAVE TO FEEL CONFIDENT TO BE CONFIDENT!

Just believe in yourself and know that you are an amazing person. A person who God created in His likeness and He has plans for you. Seek Him first and all other things....that includes meeting the right person who will love and value you for you...just the way you are...even on bad hair days and bloated can't fit in your jeans kind of days...all other things will fall into place. But walk in His confidence!!!

I love how the children's show Veggie Tales always ends their episodes:
"Remember, God made you special...and He loves you very much!"

A Man's Response

I was just speaking with my step-dad about the date where I threw up after the guy left because he did not feed me (read my first post)...this was his response:

He said, "Well, he was probably sitting there all night wondering why that woman didn't get in the kitchen and make him some dinner!"

Let me just nicely say to that: I have no problem cooking an excellent meal for MY man, and even with the best tasting cheesecake he will ever eat for dessert....BUT...BUT...

That man sure enough needs to first wine-n-dine and romance me in order to BECOME MY MAN!!

AMEN LADIES!!

LOL....I just had to post his response...I thought it was too funny.

I am all about doing things for the one I love...but I also know my worth and what I deserve...

I deserve a man who will treasure me, and passionately and thoughtfully show his love...and I will go above and beyond to do the same. (read my second post called "Sweeping", and NO it is not about me cleaning up after a man!!!)

Sweeping

"My favorite definition of romance is that it is 'love in action'"
Gregory J.P. Godek

The following is actually a post from my other blog, Random Blonde, but as I started this blog, I thought, I do not just want it to be some target to trash men or anything like that. That is far from my intentions, I have been very blessed in my life to have known and know great men of God, and have great guy friends, and have had wonderful, very thoughtful boyfriends in the past, so again that is far from what I am seeking after as I write this blog. My writing is just an open book journal that I hope to share with others who may be experiencing the same thing, or to share a good laugh...we all need a good laugh each day, or to uplift someone. I hope to share my expert...ha ha ha...thoughts on love, dating, relationships, and just my experiences with it all. It was funny as I started this and named it Dating Diaries, I thought, hmmmmmm....I have only been on one date...if you can call it that...in years so how am I to write a blog about dating?? LOL. But the above stated reasons are why, so....here it goes...my thoughts on romance :)

Do you believe in fairy tales and being swept off your feet by Prince Charming? Is there really a "Mr. Right" out there that will romance you and make you feel like a queen? Or do you believe that it really is just in the movies?

I was reading the book Chicken Soup for the Romantic Soul today, and the above quote is on the back cover; it could not have come to me at a more perfect time. I believe that if you care about someone or love someone deeply, then you show effort and thoughtfulness not only to win their heart, but to keep it as well. Sweeping someone off their feet requires action. Sweeping is an action, although when doing it for housework it is not all that fun....but when creatively showing your affection towards someone you love, showing them they are worth the effort and attention of your heart....now that can be a lot of fun!

I am a 32 year old divorced, single mom...so I very much understand the realities of life/love/dating/marriage/ect....but I am also still very much a romantic at heart and I believe for the impossible!

After reading a few stories from this book filled with true love stories, not ones hand written by people just trying to make a blockbuster hit....it showed me that real fairy tales do exist...they were funny, refreshing, heart-warming, and full of romance. I believe that action is the key to keeping a relationship/marriage alive. Action comes in many forms. Talking/communicating is an action! Physical expressions of love = action...very fun, rewarding, and even good for your health for a few reasons type of action! In a movie I just went to see called "Leap Year", an old Irish man said something like "Every time you kiss your wife...kiss her like it is the first time and like it will be the last time...that is what keeps the marriage alive!" I love this quote! I am all about the passion and fire staying hot in a marriage! :)

But it is the small thoughtful things that are very important to me...those sweet,surprising,random, romantic acts that make you smile, cry (joyfully), laugh, and love deeper than you already do. Here is where I would like to insert some suggestions...but this is where you take the effort to think of the one you love and dig a little deeper....

Rekindle the romance...make sweeping fun!

A Sign???

If you throw up after a date...is that a sign that it is just not meant to be?

It had been six years since the divorce, and I had yet to have been on a single date. Nope not one. Not even the slightest touch of a man in six years...yes, I have come dangerously close to admitting myself into a nut house! Well...I take that back...I did get a little action twice...once when I was in a parking lot of a target, I got a side hug from a hot trainer from the gym I was going to...that was a great moment! And once in an Olive Garden...when the hot waiter went to take my bank card...his hand caressed mine ever so slightly!! Now, please...don't be jealous of my experiences; I know they were some very heated passionate moments...well, in my head they were...but you will have your turn someday too!

So, anyways, six years and no date...until finally one day I was asked out! But somehow the going out was a misunderstanding on my part. He said he really just wanted to stay in and play games or watch a movie. Mistakenly though, I still thought that with dating...food was a given. Apparently, I had been out of the dating world for far too long and this is no longer true. Being nervous about my first date in decades, I did not eat anything that day...nor did I ever get fed that night.

That's right. No dinner. I take that back too...we did have popcorn from my cupboard during the movie. Popcorn and half a glass of wine on a empty stomach equals a major headache and a puke fest after your date leaves...just a warning.

Yes, when he left, I was so miserable I threw up!!!! My first date since before the turn of the century and that is how it went.