Advice Number 1: Never peel potatoes in a bad mood.
I was doing that awhile back and fortunately the story does not have a tragic bloody ending…but it could have…so never peal potatoes in a bad mood.
This made me think about words said in the heat of the moment. Or about taking risk to say things to someone you care about.
This is one post that I really hope to get a lot of feedback from.
I guess I should start this out as to what happened to me yesterday to put me in a bad mood, and make me react in the heat of the moment. Hmmmm…..where do I start? Well…I was having a One Tree Hill marathon (and I am way behind. I am only on season four. So if these things I am about to share are not true right now DO NOT TELL ME!!!) Peyton and Lucas have been friends and/or a couple since the beginning of season one when it shows his crush/obsession/lust whatever for her. Like any good drama…this couple (whether as friends or lovers) has its shares of ups and downs. But at the point I am watching it, they have just been close friends for awhile now, but she has fallen in love with him; someone tells her to take a risk and tell him how you feel. It worked out for them…but hey…that’s just Hollywood
Question Number 1: Do you think that is good advice? Take a risk and lay it on the line.
Now…I have been home watching this marathon of drama and need to get out of the house because I am not in the best of moods.
Advice Number 2: Never have a drama marathon when you already have a lot on your mind and you are already in a not so good mood.
So I go to Barns and Noble, and I am trying to cheer myself up by working on my blog, and looking for agents to send my book off to, and just focus on my dreams as a writer not on my desires to have a man hold me in his arms all night in my lonely apartment. So…out of no where comes this good looking man and says I can come sit with him and share his outlet to plug up my laptop if I need to.
Advice Number 3: For the single ladies….ALWAYS CHECK FOR THE RING FIRST!!! Because apparently men seem to forget it sometimes…
So we start chatting….(now if you are that guy, since I did tell you about my blog, and if you do read this…first of all…hey you made the cut you should be honored to get into my blog…LOL….second of all this is just all in good fun really I know that you/most men are not really like that….third of all, one of my guy friends did try to stick up for you, but then still said I should add this to my blog. So, sorry, this is just my journal from my point of view). Anyways, we were chatting and I was cheering up….let’s just put it that way…but of course somewhere in the mist of our conversation it came out that he had a wife and kids.
Ok, have you ever been driving somewhere and you were late to something, and you hit every red light in town, and get behind someone that could be driving Mrs. Daisy?? And you are like, I sooooo don’t need this right now. That was like my day yesterday.
Yeah…So, I finally was aware of the ring and thought. SERIOUSLY….LIFE IS SOOOOO NOT FUNNY! REALLY DID NOT NEED THIS TODAY! THIS SUCKS!
Advice Number 4: Always learn to laugh off moments like this!
So, I move on to vent to one of my good friends, and in this email while I am venting I say a lot of things I should not have said that could have messed things up for what special thing we had….I am happy to say we have a great friendship and it did not…but it was a little rough for a short time as he had to deal with my pathetic woman drama.
Question Number 2: Is saying things in the heat of the moment a good thing or a bad thing?
What if it took that heated moment to bring out the truth (even if it didn’t come out in the right way) to get things out in the open….then isn’t it a good thing?
What if it tears apart something beautiful that you had with someone and you or both of you end up crushed?
We do this a lot in relationships….say things in the mist of a mess. Most the time we go back and say, “I didn’t mean it”.
Question Number 3: But if it is on our mind or in our heart…isn’t it better to get it out?
Question Number 4: Even if the response devastates you…even if it makes you feel unlovable? Should you risk you heart and share how you really feel?
Question Number 5: Is living in a dream world unhealthy?
I know the answer to that one…yes it very much can be dangerous to walk around with your head in the clouds…because when the enormous 747 of truth plows right through you…IT HURTS. I am a dreamer. I have always thought my over-active/hopeful/dreamy mind was a good thing…today I am not so sure…let’s focus on an easier example of why this is not good, an example not having to do with love (even though that is what this blog is about). I want to be a writer…that is a big dream. Do I need to get my head out of fairy tale world and bring in back down to reality and focus on finding a way to feed my two kids not my fantasies?
Question Number 5: Do we give up on our dreams or strive for them?
What if our dream is finding someone who makes me laugh and loves me and will fly me to Italy someday soon? LOL….see….my head is always in the clouds. I guess because the reality is…I have spent most my life feeling unlovable. And for some reason the ugly root of insecurity has paraded itself right back into my brain this weekend.
Thankfully my God is a good gardener and is digging up that root (again...thought I was done with that battle...just thankful I know a God bigger than the battle that puts the fight back in me just when I need it). I am just glad He does not get weary of weeding….
Advice Number 4: If you are battling insecurity…hand over the spade to God and let him dig it out NOW! It is a terrible thing that can tear apart a life that has a purpose….God created you wonderful and He has a plan for you!
I drove home from a friend’s house last night with my answers to these questions.
1. Yes! Take risk…that is living life! But…no matter what the outcome you have to stand on this truth: YOU ARE A STRONG CONFIDENT CHILD OF GOD!
Second of all: I believe in a relationship you must always be open and honest with the one you love…if they love you back it will always work out.
Lastly, never stop dreaming, but just do it with your feet firmly planted on the solid rock of Christ and seek after His will first.
Relationships (whether friends/dating/marriage) can be messy, but they can also be truly amazing. Enjoy each moment.
A quote from One Tree Hills that stuck with me during that marathon was this:
“Happiness comes in many forms. In the company of good friends. In the feeling you get from making someone’s dreams come true. Or when the promise of hope renewed.”
Be joyful and hopeful. God is good and He has it all under control!
YOUR TURN…PLEASE SHARE!
1) Take a risk? I say it's okay to take "healthy" risks in relationships- be open, friendly, approachable, available, flirtatious even (if he's marriage material)- Guys don't like to get rejected any more than we do and thus like to know they at least have a chance. If he's interested, he'll take the bait and express his interest as long as you don't act this way with every other guy as well. If he doesn't- he's either stupid, not interested, or a wimp (none of which are attractive qualities) and you should just remain friends. I think the man should be the leader and pursuer in the relationship (just like Jesus was with the church). Proverb 18: 22 also says, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." It doesn't say "She who finds a husband finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."
ReplyDelete2) Saying things in the heat of the moment is usually a bad thing. I've found that I usually regret the things I say in the heat of the moment. It's better to be wise and show discretion- Timing is everything! Sometimes the best time to say something is after we've had a chance to cool down and process things first.
" A man (woman) of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." (Pr. 17:27,28)
3) You don't have to let EVERYTHING out to EVERYONE even if it is on your heart and mind. First, take it to God. Second, take it to a wise and trusted friend and counselor who can be trusted to keep it confidential.
4) Yes, I would rather know the truth than live or believe a lie, even if it is devastating. Unfortunately, it's usually our own indiscretions and poor choices- i.e. ignoring red flags, that are the true source of our devastation and not the other person. At least, this is all we have control over and all we are responsible for. We have to take responsibility for ourselves if we want to gain knowledge, understanding, and wisdom.
5) Yes, I think it's unhealthy to live in a "dream world". It's great to have hopes, desires, and dreams as long as they are from the Lord and become goals you partner with Him to work for and not just dreams you dream about. High expectations are good as long as they don't become unrealistic and thus unattainable. Men are both Mr. Ape and Mr. Wonderful (according to Relient K :)) and thus it's unrealistic to expect him to be Mr. Wonderful all the time. Insecurity is not cured by marriage or any other earthly relationship- only in Christ and knowing who we are in Him.
Is. 40:31- "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint."
As long as we wait upon the Lord, we will renew our strength! Not as long as we wait upon that thing/person/event to come to pass. That only leaves us exhausted and frustrated. Make the "mean-time" God's time! How? Make it Christ that we most desire-the answer that we are searching for. If we are busy serving Him and letting Him live in and through us we won't be disappointed because he will supply all our needs according to his glorious riches.
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned THE SECRET OF BEING CONTENT IN ANY AND EVERY SITUATION, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want (whether single or married :) ). I CAN DO EVERYTHING THROUGH HIM WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH." (Php. 4:11-14)
Hmmm....great questions. I have no answers. I am still in the middle of some difficult stuff that resulted from my being honest and authentic, even though it involved emotional risk. I am recovering from it. I will recover. And I hope that when all is said and done, I feel better about the fact that I was legit. But in the midst of it, I kinda wonder if maybe playing my cards a bit closer to the chest might've been wise. Time will tell...
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your blog immensely!
Laurie, there is so much truth to what you have said. I very much enjoyed and needed your comments! I love your thoughts and appreciate your scripture references so much.
ReplyDeleteJami, Thank you for your comment! I am sorry to hear you are dealing with emotional hurt, believe me I very much understand. These things I wrote about can be so tough to dicipher when it is right to let go/to jump/to trust....or to hold back. When to be open and honest/When is it the right time....I very much agree with Laurie that we should always take it to God first. Allow His Spirit to guide and direct us. I need prayer for that as well...I far to often speak before I think, let alone prayer. I am working on that. We all need to remember that first of all with God all things are possible. Second of all, I love the verse Laurie put in there and I need it now, so you may as well. Is. 40:31. "They that wait upon the Lord...." read it/post it somewhere around your house. Let His peace fill you know and leave it all at His feet. Thank you both for sharing.